The Story of a Cabinet Hardware Jig and Immeasurable Love

We all know what a cabinet hardware jig is. It is that contraption that builders use when designing furniture, specifically, cabinets. Well, this article is a story about how I came about a cabinet hardware jig, never learning how to use it and all the events that unfolded when I tried to design my own cabinet. The aftermath is not so pretty so I suggest that you keep your expectations as low as possible.

How to use a Cabinet Hardware Jig

After reading the first few sentences of this article, you would have probably already surmised that I have zero idea how to use a cabinet hardware jig or any kind of woodworking tools in general. My story started however the moment that I decided to find myself a cabinet hardware jig because I had the brilliant idea of making my own cabinet.
How to use a Cabinet Hardware Jig
It all began when I had very little time left to even be doing anything else. I was late on a lot of commitments that I had. And like the grand procrastinator that I am, which I am sure there is a lot of us, I decided to bump up something completely irrelevant up my priority list and with very little reason to back the decision up. I was sitting down doing my work as usual when I noticed how cramped my wardrobe is. It made me think about how much time this has set me back when I was trying to rush to work knowing that I’d be late for another meeting if I dilly dallied even more, or so I thought. In reality, it was a few seconds at best but my brain was trying hard not to do the task at hand. For some reason, I believed that the close proximity of a deadline gave me superpowers and would somehow help me work at warp speed. So, the deranged department of my brain won, and I am now driving towards the nearest hardware store.

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A Cabinet Hardware Jig, A Cashier, and a Pocket Full of Almonds

The Cabinet Hardware Jig in the Hardware Store

Upon reaching the hardware store, there was an air of excitement and misery. Excited because I know that I should not be there at all. Every minute I was there felt like the devil playing a rock and roll rebel song that was my anthem. And misery my future self kept banging on my noggin knowing that I am completely giving him the short end of the stick.
The Cabinet Hardware Jig in the Hardware Store
The store was bright and complicated. I thought that if this place was meant for builders then it should be a bit more organized. I mean, these people work with lives. What if someone accidentally put a busted switch into an ER machine or something. It particularly irked me because the cabinet jig was nowhere to be found, then again I have no clue what it is, just a semblance of it.

I went with my gut and looked for the tools that had ruler lines on them. This lead me to a place where there were tape measures, meter sticks, and well, rulers. And in a forest of hardware tools with different shapes and sizes, I could not help but wonder what it was I was doing there at all. Unfortunately, before sanity kicked in completely, a sweet voice from behind gently asked me a question. What am I looking for, that was what the beautiful woman uttered. That was not an easy question for me to answer in that instant. I was on the verge of rushing back home and doing my work or rushing to the cabinet aisle and just buying myself a cabinet. But she would not look away and why would she. The tormented monologue I had in my head was only for me. If she, or any other people heard it, I would be labeled a lunatic.

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A Conversation about a Cabinet Hardware Jig

With a faint heart, and a lot of courage, I asked her to point me to the cabinet hardware jigs. I was almost certain that she had no idea what it was. Not because she is a girl, or that she seems to be too pretty to be working in hardware, but simply because I do not know what cabinet hardware jigs are actually called in these parts. Luckily, or unluckily, she knew what it was and I had half a mind telling me to bail, and the other half screaming at me to not waste the poor woman’s effort. So I went to the direction her cute hand is pointing to. She raised her hand as if she was leading the way. And there I found it.
A Conversation about a Cabinet Hardware Jig
Again, I do not know what a cabinet hardware jig is. But what I have is instincts. I would know that a particular tool could actually help me make a cabinet and that was good enough for me. And while I was trying them on for size hoping I could figure out how to use it. I must have looked like a total fool while working it out because the girl followed me there and asked me if needed assistance. The proud man in me held my throat. I told her that I knew how to use a simple tool like a cabinet hardware jig. A quick glance at her eyes and her lips holding back a laugh while I awkwardly lift up the tool gave her thoughts away. She was unto me and she was right. She gleefully demonstrated what was now the most complex piece of equipment that I have ever seen. I learned two things after the quick demo. The first one is that I will never be able to build my own cabinet, and second, I would buy this cabinet hardware jig just to get her number. I did but the jig though and, obviously, I never got her number.